Saturday, November 26, 2011

your guide to my 40th week of pregnancy

I have not made it past my due date since I was pregnant with Genna, and seeing how little Abigail has no intentions of introducing herself to the world anytime soon, I thought I'd make a handy little guide for my friends and family on how to deal with someone (me) in their 40th week of pregnancy. 
*note, in the past 4 days I've probably had a grand total of 5 hours of sleep*

1. Don't ask me when the baby is going to come. I don't know.  If I could accurately predict things like that, I'd be a very rich woman.

2. Don't ask me when the Dr. thinks the baby is going to come.  He doesn't know.  If he could accurately predict things like that, he'd be a very rich man.

3. Do not, under any circumstances, tell me when it's best for YOU, for the baby to come. I don't care, and she doesn't care.  If it seems that your schedule and social calendar is more important, I'll probably just leave you off my contact list for when she does come. I'm serious.

4. If you see me and I'm still pregnant, do not ask me "no baby yet?" or anything else along those lines.  I won't call you stupid to your face, but I'll be thinking it, and you'll be able to tell I'm thinking it.

5. If you get offended by a cranky pregnant woman, get over it.  At this stage of pregnancy, I'm not sleeping. At all. Seriously, show up at my house at 3:30 in the morning and you'll find me doing laundry or making extra cranberry sauce to go with turkey leftovers. (my laundry is so caught up that I can't even fill the wash machine at the end of the day!!!)  That level of sleep deprivation is turning me into the type of crazy person you might not want to be alone with in an elevator.

6. If you call or text me and I don't answer or respond, don't keep calling and texting.  There's a 95% chance that enough of the kids are being quiet that I'm attempting to rest.  Seeing as how I'm not sleeping, every moment of peaceful rest is VITALLY important to me.  I'm not screening my calls, I'm pressing the silence button without even looking to see who's calling so you can take heart I'm not ignoring you personally, I'm ignoring everyone.

7. Don't tell me to hang in there.  I warned my Dr. that the next person to say that to me was going to be hung up by their toes until this baby comes out. Yes, I said that to the man who has the power to write me a scrip for pain pills after the birth; that's just where I'm at right now.

8. The ONLY person who gets a pass on any of this is my dad, and my dad alone. (nope, not even my children get a pass)  My dad gets one because he really doesn't know better, and I'm OK with that. (On Thanksgiving he asked when my due date was, I told him Saturday.  He then asked what time! ahahaha!)

Some day I'll have pictures of little Abby for you to come back and see.  Until then, whatever.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

The fact that you're still writing coherent sentences is commendable. The fact that you're writing them as witty as ever? Amazing Aubrey. That's you. Praying for some rest and 10 newborn toes very soon.